In the deep parts of my heart there is constant wrestling.
The yearning for more.
The desire to go deeper.
The struggle for purpose.
In the deep parts of my heart there is a constant restlessness.
Is there more?
Is there something I am missing?
Is there a reason for all of this?
In the deep parts of my heart there is a constant fight.
The fight to be heard.
The fight to be seen.
The fight to matter.
In the deep parts of my heart there is constant doubt.
Have I miss heard Your voice?
Have a messed up far too many times?
Have I missed my boat?
In the deep parts of my heart there is a constant fear.
Will I find acceptance?
Will they hear my heart?
Will any of this matter?
The deep parts of my heart wake me at night with ideas, passion and questions.
How do we ignite transformation?
How do we get this generation to move?
How do we impact this world in a real and tangible way?
The sleepless night have begun to catch up with me and I have begun to wonder if any of this really matters.
The fighting.
The wrestling.
The restlessness.
The wonder.
The dreams.
The visions.
The passion.
Will it all be lost because I will NOT conform?
Will it all be lost because I CAN not settles for less than God first?
Will it all be lost in the shuffle of religion?
In my heart I know one day this will all make sense but, for now the wrestling, fight and wondering has me ready to run and hide.
Run from the meetings.
Run from the questions.
Run from the dreams.
Run from the passion.
Run from it all and retreat with a cup of coffee wrapped in a warm blanket with the unconditional love of my Abba Father.
He knows my heart.
He understands my angst.
He knows the pain.
And loves me the same.
A generation who has quietly been reading and longing and dreaming and falling in love with God is about to wake up. We are about to let God run will through us. So, let’s get after it. -Jennie Allen, Restless
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